oh god the rape fog is back!
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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