Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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