My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
