the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
