Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
