I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
