I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Randomize
