3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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