Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
