Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
