omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
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