whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
