I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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