Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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