Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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