I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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