You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
