Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
