We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
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