i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
