since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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