if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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