if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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