Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
