one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
