Everything about him screamed your future.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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