Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
