Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
