i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Bring me that man meat
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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