Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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