What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
