I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
