It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
