my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
