A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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