If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
You did what with his pubic hair?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
