i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
There was a lot of him and a little penis
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
