OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
