Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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