Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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