dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
