Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
