Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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