whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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