My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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