you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
