I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
