I smell stomach acid.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
