I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Randomize
