I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
