I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
