I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Someone shattered a urinal.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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