Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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