There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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