Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
