final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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